where value lies

The more I listen to the radio, the more I wonder why anyone would want to. I cringe when I hear half of the songs playing these days. One such song that makes my job as a caregiver especially difficult is "Sexy Chick" by David Guetta. Jeremy, my 9-year old, loves this song. I try to instill in both boys that this is an inappropriate way to talk to and/or about women; it objectifies them. When I mentioned this to an (unchurched) acquaintance, he was taken aback. "Haven't past boyfriends said stuff like that to you?" he asked me. I couldn't really remember any specific instances, no. I mean, Chris had probably told me I was beautiful and the other two had told me I looked nice on certain occasions. None had told me I was sexy. "Didn't that seem like a red flag to you?" he wondered. He was surprised when I told him it hadn't. After all, I don't think of myself in those terms.


In 1 Peter, we're told that our "beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." Proverbs reminds us that "charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting." In fact, not one description of the Proverbs 31 woman, "a wife of noble character...worth far more than rubies" is about her looks. She is generous, industrious, selfless, supportive, helpful, wise, domestically-able, strong, dignified, and loved; she is quite a woman, the role-model for Christian girls everywhere. But is she beautiful? Sexy? She could be painfully plain, for all Solomon says about her appearance. Plain on the outside, that is, for she possesses the beauty valued by the Lord: internal beauty.


Maybe this is why I never worried about being told I was beautiful or trying to seem sexy; these things aren't what I've been taught to value. When I think about attributes I hope for in my future husband, looks aren't the first thing on the list; I don't think they're even in the top five. I'm sure to do so is almost unreasonably idealistic, but I hope that others feel the same way. Or perhaps I should say that I hope anyone interested in me feels the same way. I had a thing with a boy once who didn't think I was very smart, at least not as smart as he. This was one of the boys who probably didn't tell me I was beautiful. In all honesty, his low estimation of my intelligence bothered me more than the fact that he didn't find me remarkably attractive. After all, being smart is one of the things I have been known to use to measure value.


I want people to see in me things that actually matter, like love, joy, peace, patience, etc. Striving for external beauty takes time we should be devoting to developing internal beauty, the kind that ISN'T fleeting. Dressing in a certain manner so as to garner attention communicates that your looks is the most important thing you have to offer. I'd like to think that I'm deeper than that and would like for people to be able to see it. I'm valuable in a way that isn't deceptive. Am I a "sexy chick"? Not exactly... and thank goodness for that!